own your singleness
Looking back, I barely remember my single years. In May, I will be dating my boyfriend for four years. And although I wouldn’t trade this time for anything, I’ve been looking back to my single years with this thought… I wish I remembered my single years as a blessing.
My parents taught me to be patient and hopeful during my years of singleness — that God had purpose for me while I waited for my man. But can I be honest? Somewhere along those lines, I got distracted. I wanted to serve Christ fully, but I really wanted a boyfriend. I really wanted to be married.
If I could encourage you in anything, it would be this…
Singleness is one of the most precious gifts God could give you. HEAR ME OUT…
In 1 Corinthians, one of my favorite apostles and authors, Paul, talks about the sweet advantages of singleness. Here’s how he puts it…
“The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord... The unmarried woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body & Spirit.” (1 Corinthians 7:32 & 34)
Read that… then read it again. Sure, Paul talks about the loveliness of marriage in this chapter — but he also highlights the unique and blessed calling of singleness.
The truth is that a single person does not have to worry about “worldly things, and how to please their spouses” (33). Singleness is a purposeful calling, meant to be leveraged because you don’t have the distractions that those in relationships have! Believe this: Singleness is a sweet opportunity to have a undivided and wholehearted devoted to JESUS.
Although I love my boyfriend with my whole heart, he is a “distraction” that Paul talks about. He’s not a bad distraction — but I most definitely do not have the bandwidth to be as undistracted in my devotion to God as someone who is single.
God has given you a unique and purposeful season — not to withhold anything from you but to give you more opportunities for undivided time in His presence. And when there’s undivided time in His presence, there is the most transformation, growth and kingdom opportunity.
That’s why I wish I had leveraged my time of singleness more. It wasn’t until the few months before I started dating my boyfriend that I truly understood this concept.
“So how do I own my singleness with undivided attention?”
Girl, that’s a great question. I have two answers: trust and surrender.
Trusting God is a concept that should never grow old to you and I, sis. The moment I trusted God more was when I made the choice to get to know Him better. I didn’t try to figure out what He was doing with my life because lets face it — we’ll never understand. But the more I learned about His character, qualities, promises and Word — the more I trusted Him because His character proves it.
Trust Challenge:
Spend daily time in the Word with your Father. The more you let the Word transform you, the more God will show you who He is and who He wants you to be. He will undoubtedly show you that He is loving, caring, purposeful and trustworthy. This also takes a great measure of faith — can you trust that He is good to you because He died on the cross for you?!
Surrendering to God is another way of saying “trusting God.” However, when I think of surrendering, I think of an open hand posture. Envision yourself raising your hands, palms up to the sky. That’s how your heart should be postured — trusting God so deeply that you can let go of your desires and wants.
Part of surrendering is delighting — even when His plan for your relationship status doesn’t make sense. Psalm 37:4 talks about delighting in God and He will give you the desires of your heart. Sis, this doesn’t mean that He will give you everything you want. Rather, the more you surrender, the more you get to know Him, the more He’ll shape your desires to be after His. After all, we can trust that His desires are good for us in every way.
Surrender Challenge:
Start each new day by surrendering your heart to God. Strive to hand over your disappointments and dreams to Him. Delight in His presence… serving Him… loving others… and watch Him change your heart. When the enemy brings lies about your singleness, force your soul to say no and delight instead. Turn your attention to the opportunities you have now and know that God is sanctifying you.
“The Goal: To own any season of our lives with a bold “YES!”, knowing that God has given it to us for a purpose.”
Later on in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul encourages his audience to “only lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him” (7:17). Sweet sister, this goes for you and I too. In singleness… dating… engagement… marriage… we are called to lead the lives we have been given well for HIS glory.
If Christ is in you, there is no void in your life. Yes, I know the ache for a husband is sometimes harder than you can bear. And it doesn’t seem like anyone except him could fill it. However, God is more than enough to fill that void.
I love my boyfriend and he is the best addition to my life…. but he does not complete me. The emptiest voids I feel can never be filled by him. Even in dating… even in marriage, I will always be wanting more. That is why we were created for Jesus first.
So it’s okay to mourn your season — but mourn hopefully and with a full heart of trust. There is no sorrow, not even over a man, that your Heavenly Father cannot heal. He has such love and purpose waiting for you in the life that you are leading RIGHT. NOW.
When you realize that your season of singleness is a gift and a gift meant living, the game changes.
Forsake anything in this world that isn’t God’s promises. Stand firmly on them, knowing that you are purposed and poised, ready for action. You are uniquely blessed — more than me, more than your friend with a husband. You have been given undivided devotion to the King of the Universe.
SO GO SHINE GIRL. Use that gift. Wear it boldly. Mourn hopefully and then pick yourself back up. It’s time to get devoted.
MY FAVORITE PODCAST EPISODE ON SINGLENESS
Listen to my favorite podcast on how to use your singleness as devotion time! Worth every second of the listen!
